On Family

Dear Michelle,

It is very common to hear family lauded as the most important aspect of any person's life. This is especially true during the holiday season, in the months leading up to Thanksgiving and Christmas. But family is not always a blessing. This is most evident in the fact that, in many poverty-stricken areas, children's favourite holiday is Halloween. In more affluent areas, it is more common to hear Thanksgiving or Christmas chosen. A large part of the reason for this is that children in impoverished areas are tired of having their expectations of family togetherness shattered by social and financial realities.

Some families are lucky. In fact, you could probably say that most families are lucky. For many people, getting together with relatives is not a cause for dread.

But we must always remember that this is not true for everybody. There are stories all around of people who are in families that do not provide them with any benefit. Many children who live in abusive families would be better off without their family. Many others are disowned by family members who believe that being gay is evil. Such people are often left to fend for themselves, becoming homeless because they have no one to take care of them. Still other families are oppressive, refusing to allow any dissent in thought or deed.

I once heard people talking about the difference between one's biological family, and one's logical family (notice the play on words; by removing the bio- from biological, we are left with logical).

Our culture places enormous value and importance on biological family. This ideology has been enshrined in western law, which views the biological father as the 'real' parent. This is despite the fact that the only requirement to be a biological father is that the first sperm to reach the egg happens to be the one that was produced in his body instead of someone else's.

I believe that the definition of father should be changed to reflect reality. A father is someone who loves you and cares for you, who raises you and comforts you and provides for you. If a man does these things, he is a father, regardless of whether he contributed to your genetic makeup.

So as you navigate life, always remember that you must do what's best for you. Sometimes, that means cutting off contact from your biological family, and choosing to surround yourself with a family that you have chosen for yourself. That is, find a logical family for yourself. And just as importantly, to encourage others to do the same.