On Self-Determination

Dear Michelle, 

One of the things that I think is very important is the ability to define oneself. I often feel that people too frequently allow their identity to be formed by outside forces. Just a few examples of this include nationality, social class, place of residence, even something as simple as a name. My father used to chastise me for being overly passive in my life; one of the phrases he'd say to me most often during my childhood was,  "I'm just a twig floating along on the river of life." He was saying that I let other people choose my actions for me, and I would simply accept it.

In a way, he was right, but in many others, I feel he had sorely misjudged me. For example, I despise the name that appears on legal documents that refer to me (such as my driver's license or my passport). I don't consider that my real name; I've never had my legal name changed, mostly because I can't afford it, but secondarily because I don't see that the government's official recognition of a name makes it real. This is an argument I've had with a number of people. Most of them don't understand how I can consider a name "real" if the government doesn't acknowledge it. But in my opinion, I make my own destiny, not my government.

People also become overly attached to the place where they live. University sports teams, for example, are ardently supported by the students who attend that university. But just because you attend classes at an institution that happens to sponsor an athletic programme doesn't mean you must cheer for that team (or, in fact, that you have to cheer for any team at all).

People often choose their hometown (or home state, or even their home country) as their "favourite." But if you look at it objectively, that's not a valid criterion for choosing a favourite. You should base your decision on impartial factors, such as weather, culture, leisure activities, cost of living, and so forth. "Because I live here" is not a good reason.

If you do decide that your given name, home, university, &c., are your personal preferences, that's fine, so long as you have a viable justification for those decisions. But if you decide that you prefer something (or somewhere) other than what you were assigned by fate, then no one should attempt to convince you otherwise. Unfortunately, people often will, but these people speak from an unreasoned position. It should be your decision, and yours alone.

On Rules

Dear Michelle,

As you are no doubt aware, the world is populated by rules. These rules come in many forms: laws, school rules, rules for games, community rules, and the ones I most detest, social rules.

The world is a big scary place. It can often be overwhelming to try to think about what is possible. And many things are possible; consider that the only rules that cannot be violated are the so-called "physical laws." Gravity pulls you down, wind resistance slows you down, matter can neither be created nor destroyed, &c. Beyond this, all rules are arbitrary. I believe we do these things because it is easier to forbid certain behaviour than to accept the enormity of what is possible in the world. Honestly, the only thing preventing men from wearing dresses is social pressure, and their acceptance of this pressure.

There are two things that you must understand: the first is that simply having a rule does not guarantee compliance. Many people fail to grasp this simple concept, but the truth is that there will always be someone who ignores the rules and does whatever he wants. If you pass a law forbidding people to eat meat, there will still be people who eat meat. The law-abiding citizens will throw their hands up in despair, saying, "It's against the law! Why are people still eating meat?" But just because it's "against the rules" doesn't mean the someone won't still do it.

The second thing is that rules are arbitrary. They are put in place for a variety of reasons, some good and some bad, but regardless, they are still created by people, and the only way to enforce them is through an arbitrary system of authority. They aren't like physical laws, which cannot be violated; anyone can commit murder, but nobody can fly without mechanical assistance.

I mentioned social mores earlier. As I said, I despise them above all other forms of rules. Certain codes of conduct are useful, in that they provide a framework for amicable interaction between people, but some rules are simply unnecessary. There was recently an article in a British newspaper bemoaning the "crisis" in the cutlery industry; forks were outselling knives by two-to one! This indicated that people were eating more takeaway and eating less at home, which meant that they no longer needed knives, and this indicated a decline in "proper eating manners," which was a sign of the downfall of British culture. And in my opinion, why on earth does it matter how anyone eats their food? This is an example of a stupid, useless, and unnecessary rule.

On Diversity

Dear Michelle,

Humans are social creatures. This is both a blessing and a curse; while it enables us to work together to accomplish feats much greater than we could do alone, it also means we tend to suffer from exclusionary behaviour. Those people who don't "follow the rules" are shunned from society.

But we must always remember that diversity is essential. People tend to shy away from those they believe aren't "normal," but normality is, by definition, the average. We must never forget that those who are average don't achieve greatness. Many of the people who have made the world a better place, such as Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Thomas Edison, or Martin Luther King, Jr., were not average people. They were not "normal."

Being abnormal isn't a guarantee of greatness, by any means (we must also remember that there are those on the other end of the spectrum who are also not average; terrible men like John Wayne Gacy or Son of Sam). But one thing is certain: being normal is a guarantee that you won't be great.

There is a song called "Standing on the Shoulders of Freaks," which takes a humorous look at the little insanities and idiosyncrasies of some of the most influential people in history. While it is meant as a funny song, it does have a valid point. The most influential people in history are anything but normal.

Never feel as though you have to fit in. Always do what is right for you. Just remember that there are different definitions of normal, depending on who you're talking to; for example, someone with violently pink dreadlocks and loads of piercings who wears black clothing would not be considered abnormal amongst goths. But whoever you decide to be, remember that "normal" is not an important characteristic.

On Change

Dear Michelle,

The world is a constantly changing place. Even if we ignore the changes that we ourselves create, such as new technology like computers and mobile phones, the very fact that people age and die is a form of change. We can discount humans entirely, and we realise that the world continues to change: plants and animals affect the world, and the earth itself is constantly shifting and changing. Nothing is truly permanent.

And yet people behave as though permanence is assured. In reality, people are very much afraid of change. Across America, there are cities and towns where money and work is constantly being poured into "revitalizing" the old, decaying parts of town to "save" them from the onslaught of modernization. Where the downtown area once was the centre of a city's shopping, it is now falling into disrepair as people instead choose to buy at large super-centres like Wal-Mart and Target. Those negatively impacted by this shift in shopping habits, like the shop owners in the downtown area, complain about "unfair competition" and insist on wasteful programmes that are intended to revitalise the area, but in the end, have no real effect on where people go to make their purchases.

The fact is that smaller speciality shops are obsolete, but the shop-owners aren't willing to admit it. Just as there is no longer a need for coopers, since nobody uses barrels any more, there will soon be no need for small specialty shops, because their function has been subsumed by a newer alternative.

Another example is the current health care debate in America. Part of the reason that many people resist the idea is because it's a major change, and they're not willing to accept that. I saw an interview with a man who said "Americans like their health care system the way it is." Which, in part, translates to "Americans are afraid of changing things."

The fact is, the world is a large and often overwhelming place, and it can be difficult to understand it and your role within it. This is only complicated by the fact that it is always changing and inconstant. Once you've learned how things work and where you fit in, something changes, and you have to start learning all over again. But unfortunately, change is inevitable, and so it's better to accept that the way things once were they will never be again.

Don't get me wrong: not all change is good. But no matter what, change will happen. It's best to be prepared for it. Don't be like the old nostalgic folk yearning for a better time; there was no better time. It only looks better in memory.