On Self-Determination

Dear Michelle, 

One of the things that I think is very important is the ability to define oneself. I often feel that people too frequently allow their identity to be formed by outside forces. Just a few examples of this include nationality, social class, place of residence, even something as simple as a name. My father used to chastise me for being overly passive in my life; one of the phrases he'd say to me most often during my childhood was,  "I'm just a twig floating along on the river of life." He was saying that I let other people choose my actions for me, and I would simply accept it.

In a way, he was right, but in many others, I feel he had sorely misjudged me. For example, I despise the name that appears on legal documents that refer to me (such as my driver's license or my passport). I don't consider that my real name; I've never had my legal name changed, mostly because I can't afford it, but secondarily because I don't see that the government's official recognition of a name makes it real. This is an argument I've had with a number of people. Most of them don't understand how I can consider a name "real" if the government doesn't acknowledge it. But in my opinion, I make my own destiny, not my government.

People also become overly attached to the place where they live. University sports teams, for example, are ardently supported by the students who attend that university. But just because you attend classes at an institution that happens to sponsor an athletic programme doesn't mean you must cheer for that team (or, in fact, that you have to cheer for any team at all).

People often choose their hometown (or home state, or even their home country) as their "favourite." But if you look at it objectively, that's not a valid criterion for choosing a favourite. You should base your decision on impartial factors, such as weather, culture, leisure activities, cost of living, and so forth. "Because I live here" is not a good reason.

If you do decide that your given name, home, university, &c., are your personal preferences, that's fine, so long as you have a viable justification for those decisions. But if you decide that you prefer something (or somewhere) other than what you were assigned by fate, then no one should attempt to convince you otherwise. Unfortunately, people often will, but these people speak from an unreasoned position. It should be your decision, and yours alone.