On Gender Issues

Dear Michelle,

One thing you will have to keep in mind as you navigate the treacherous waters of adolesence (and, for that matter, even throuought adulthood) is that the matter of male/female is a very complex and convoluted one.

For starters, the issue is much more diverse than a simple male/female dichotomy. The truth is that there are thousands of "switches" in the human genetic code that determines masculinity or femininity, and not all of them get switched (or very few of them). While on average, most people have the majority of their genetic markers flipped in one direction or another, there are some people who have a more balanced set. It is less true to see the population as 50% male and 50% female, but more as an inverted bell curve, with the majority of people at one end or the other while a small portion of individuals drift towards the centre (the area of androgyny).

But even if we discount the small percent in the middle, the question of man vs. woman is still a complicated one. There are many people who feel that there are (and should be) exactly two genders, each separated by specific behaviour traits (this example being best summarised by the statement in a character from Neil Gaiman's Sandman: "[If God] makes you a boy, you dress in blue, He makes you a girl, you dress in pink." On the other hand, many people believe that there is no difference at all between men and women. Personally, I think that the truth (as with so many things) is somewhere in the middle. In some ways, men and women are the same, yes, but in many others, they are different.

Ignoring the obvious physical differences, there's the fact that men and women think differently. It's been proven in study after study that males and females use different parts of the brain to accomlish the same task. Men generally excel at three-dimensional reasoning, while women tend to navigate by landmarks. Women are better at multi-tasking than men, and generally focus on details and specifics. Men are usually physically stronger, and do better with understanding the overall general nature of a situation. 

This does not mean that men and women should be treated differently; each deserves the same rights. But the fact is that they are different, and you must always remember this. And more to the point, we must also remember to acknowledge those people that fall in the middle of the male/female spectrum, and deal with them accordingly. You must also understand that the different ways that men and women generally perceive the world will be guaranteed to result in miscommunications and misunderstandings. It seems obvious, but many a serious disagreement has resulted from men expecting women to think like men, and vice versa.

On interactions with males

Dear Michelle,

As you get older (and especially as you navigate the treacherous waters of adolescence), you will find yourself the subject of a great many males who want nothing more than to have sex with you. Ultimately, this is your choice to make, and I will always love you, no matter which choice you make. I would like to help you make the best choice you can, and I will always be here to offer you advice and help you decide which is the best option for you. But right now, I want to make sure you understand something very important about the way that men and women interact.

Firstly, you must understand that men and women are different, no matter what the radical extremists would have you believe. Because men produce millions of sperm and are not physically attached to their offspring, those who have the most surviving children are those who impregnate the most women. Women, however, produce a small number of available eggs, and are burdened with nine months of pregnancy and a lifetime of care for their offspring in the event that they do conceive a child. Thus, the women who have the most surviving children are the ones that can find a partner who will remain with them and provide support for the child-raising process.

Because of this, men are hard-wired to want sex, lots of sex, and only sex. Women, on the other hand, are hard-wired to want emotional commitment. So whenever you are frustrated with your boyfriend/spouse/romantic partner, just remember that, and you'll understand why.

Secondly, however, you must also remember that not all men are like that. Just as there are women who crave sex without emotional involvement, so too are there men who crave love and commitment. So it's important, when you meet a man, not to automatically assume that he's only interested in sleeping with you. It's good to be aware that he's probably only interested in sleeping with you, but it's not fair to him (or to you) to dismiss him entirely for that reason. Give him a chance, get to know him, find out for sure if he wants nothing else first. Be aware that it's a possibility, but don't discount the potential mates because of the majority of jerks.

That's my advice for you today. Until next time, I bid you farewell.