On Beauty

Dear Michelle,

As you become an adolescent, you will find that physical appearance starts meaning a great deal. People tend to be judged on their looks. Women who are considered beautiful will be treated better than those who are not. 

This is not limited to teenagers. If anything, it gets worse in adulthood. If you watch music videos on television, you will notice that there is no such thing as an ugly female artist. The sad fact of the matter is that ugly women don't sell records; even though they're in the music business, their popularity is often determined more by their appearance than by their music. This was highlighted in the Susan Boyle scenario: a forty-something frumpish unmarried woman walks out on stage to sing, and the audience and judges laugh at her. They are stunned when she actually sings well.

Sadly, people have come to equate beauty with quality. They tend to think that if you are beautiful, you are also talented, and if you are ugly, you are also incompetent.

But what's truly sad about this is that the ideal standard of beauty is arbitrary. Fashion designers, models, magazines, and other mainstream media have collaborated to create an unrealistic vision of what "beautiful" is. Women often go to ridiculous lengths to try to achieve this look, spending inordinate amounts of money, undergoing horrendous procedures, and otherwise being hideously cruel to themselves. And for that matter, also often hideously cruel to anyone that doesn't meet the "standard."

You must be prepared for this. But there is good news: while most men are brainwashed into desiring only those women who fit the artificial image of beauty, there are some who prefer a more natural look. Where most men are only attracted to skinny women, some men prefer a larger fram. Most men prefer large lips, but some like thin lips. Most men prefer enormous breasts, but some men like a smaller-chested woman. And so on.

The important thing to remember is this: whatever beauty you may or may not have, the best partner for you is someone who loves you for who you are, rather than for what you look like. If you find such a mate, then that is worth more than all the beauty you can buy. And no matter what you look like, there will always be at least one person who thinks you are beautiful.