On Love

Dear Michelle,

Aside from sex, there are few things as compelling as the idea of love. Almost everyone wants it, and they will do almost anything to get it. The problem is that few people understand what love really is. As a result of millennia of poetry and fairy tales, and nearly a century of cinema, people have come to the conclusion that love is a very powerful and overwhelming emotion. But that's not at all what love is like.

Love is actually a very subtle emotion. If you're feeling an unceasing desire to be with someone, that's probably not love. It might be lust, and it might even be amorola. Amorola is a word that I created to refer to the initial period of romantic infatuation felt between two people in a relationship. Psychological studies have determined that humans go through a distinct phase at the beginning of their relationship in which they feel overwhelmed with a desire to be with one another. During this period, they tend to aggrandise their partners' strengths and ignore their weaknesses, in a sort of rose-coloured-glasses effect. It's the time in which they enjoy the stupidly-happy-silly-giggly time of their  togetherness. But there was no name for this phenomenon, so I devised one.

After amorola, there is a period of "settling in," during which the partners magnify their faults, both their own and their partners'. This has been described as the trial-by-fire stage, in which the partners determine if they are suited for a long-term relationship. In both of these phases, it is possible that the two individuals are in love, but as I said, love is a subtle emotion, so it's often hard to tell through the fog of the amorola or the settling-in firestorm.

The important thing to remember is this: when you watch a romantic movie in which the main characters end up together at the end, they aren't necessarily experiencing love. They are in the initial thrush of amorola. So just remember that when you become overpowered by an attraction to someone, it doesn't mean that you are in love with that person. It usually takes about two years for amorola to fade, so the best advice is to wait at least that long before making any serious decisions, such as marriage. That person may be the one for you, but you won't know until the amorola is gone.