On Sex

Dear Michelle,

You will find that there are few, if any, topics of greater import, controversy, scandal, and emotional involvement than sex. People have a wide range of views on the sex act, with some believing that it is inherently evil and sinful, with others placing no more importance upon it than drinking water.

One thing that you have to understand is that sex (regardless of whether it's homosexual or heterosexual), in itself, is neither good nor evil, but can be used for either. Rape, for example, is a horrible and atrocious use of an act that has potential for great joy. At the other end of the spectrum, it can be used as an affirmation of love between two people who are deeply committed to one another. Likewise, sex is a very primal and feral instinct, bred into us since we came into existance, but like all human activities, can be elevated to something much more sublime.

The important thing to remember is this: many people will tell you what sex means, and how and when and with whom you are supposed to have sex, but in the end, it will always be your decision. Many religious people firmly believe that sex should only be used for the specific purpose of having children. Others see sex as a recreation, to be done as often and with as many different partners as possible. I personally see it as somewhere in between, as a powerful and enjoyable pursuit that has the possibility for greater meaning of love and partnership. But in the end, it's your decision.

Some people think that you should be a virgin when you are married, and have sex only with your spouse. Others believe that you should get some practise and ensure that you are sexually compatible with you partner before making a lifelong commitment to remain monogomous to that person. Still others think that sexual promiscuity is compatible with emotional commitment, and engage in sex with a variety of partners despite being married. And there are others who think that there is no room for emotional bonds, and use sex as a purely physical source of pleasure. In fact, there are even some asexual people who feel little or no sexual desire for anyone.

All of these are valid viewpoints, and I will not tell you which is right for you. That is your decision to make. And whichever decision you make is right for you, and I will always love you and support you no matter what decision you make, so long as you are careful and safe in your decision.